Are you really a crap Mum? We all have days we feel we’re failing and our kids will undoubtedly spend half their life in therapy dealing with our epic failures.

But are we really as crap at parenting as we think?

Take the quiz and unlock your level of crappy parenting on the crap-o-meter scale.

I promise, you’re not as crap at this parenting gig as you feel.

Step 1 of 12

Your child is getting an award at a school assembly. You promised you’d be there but got distracted by a shirtless Jason Momoa on Sunrise. You’re going to miss the presentation.(Required)

Do your best to get there before assembly finishes, lie to your child and pretend you saw the presentation, get an Oscar for your performance, ensuring your child remains emotionally intact.

I’d never miss such an important and integral part of my child’s life.

Resign yourself to the fact you’ve missed it. Tell your child you came down with a mysterious illness, win their love back with a new Playstation.

Break all land speed records and road rules to get there in time.

What is the worst food you’ve fed the kids for dinner?(Required)

I let them eat whatever they can reach in the pantry or fridge. Just leave me alone!

The occasional Happy Meal or pizza.

I prepare a nutritious, home-cooked meal every night.

My kids eat cereal for dinner at least twice a week.

How many times a day do you whisper ‘fuck’ under your breath?(Required)

It occasionally slips out when I’m frustrated or tired.

I never use profanities. I set a good example for my kids.

At least 5 times a day.

I lost track. But my child’s first word was ‘fuck’ so I’m guessing a fair bit.

What do you think of using ‘timeout’ as a method for controlling tantrums?(Required)

I use it occasionally. Sometimes my child just needs to chill out.

I don’t believe in it. I want my child to express their emotions and I help them work through it.

I use ‘timeout’ on a daily basis. In fact, I have my own padded corner of the house where I go and scream into a pillow.

I LOVE it. As soon as my kids look like they’re losing their shit, in the corner they go!

How much screen time do you allow your kids?(Required)

15 minutes a day is an appropriate amount for young kids.

Whatever they want. I don’t care how long, it’s the only time I get some peace!

45 minutes but only after they’ve done their chores.

My kids don’t have devices. We like to read books together instead.

What bedtime techniques do you use to get your kids to bed?(Required)

My kids run amok until they pass out on the floor. I then drag them to bed.

A soothing bath, a bedtime story, kisses and sleeptime.

My kids know their routine and go to bed promptly when asked.

A warm cup of milk spiked with 5ml of Phenergan works a treat!

How much coffee do you drink per day?(Required)

Caffeine is literally the only thing keeping me awake.

Coffee? I drink mimosas for breakfast.

I limit my caffeine intake to 2 cups per day.

Coffee until school pick-up. Then it’s time for wine.

What parenting traits do you relate to?(Required)

Traits? Every day in my house is like the Hunger Games.

Yelling at your kids to ‘STOP YELLING AT EACH OTHER!’.

Asking your kids to ‘Please use your inside voice’.

Telling your kids ‘I love you to the moon and back’.

Parenting is hard work so it’s important to have ‘me’ time. What would be a perfect night for you?(Required)

A movie night with the kids, gourmet pizza and board games.

A night out on the town drinking cocktails with my girlfriends.

A nice dinner at a restaurant without the kids.

Any night away from the kids is fantastic! Some nights I lock myself in the car with a bottle of wine, a packet of chips and listen to music. BLISS!

What do you do to alleviate the stress of parenting?(Required)

Parenting is tough! It’s important to take time out daily for yourself to avoid going crazy.

Parenting is the most rewarding job in the world. I’m rarely stressed.

Parenting can be stressful. When I’m stressed I go for a walk, run, listen to music and try to unwind.

Vodka. Lots of it. It’s literally the only thing keeping me sane.

What is your greatest fear as a parent?(Required)

My children needing a lifetime of therapy.

My alcohol supply running out.

My children facing disappointment and not getting everything they want.

Hearing the words ‘Mum, Mum, Mum!’

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